Jism 2

Rating : 3/10
Release Date : 3rd August, 2012
Time : 132 minutes
Director : Pooja Bhatt; Writer : Mahesh Bhatt; Music : Arko Mukherjee
Starring : Sunny Leone, Randeep Hooda, Arunoday Singh

I found the following things funny about the film

•Sunny Leone’s constantly heaving bosom through the entire film. Its just the speed which varies and at its peak (pun intended), it clocks in a shade faster time than the Titanic.
•The afore-mentioned bosom manages to convey more emotion than Arunoday in the entire film
•One song begins with such sustained yowling that even Sunny Leone develops a painful look that is reasonably convincing.
•When the intelligence agency chief, Arif Zakaria, better known as The Wig Who Walks, meets Sunny for the first time, he asks her to ‘come’ twice within the first couple of minutes

•The reliance on old school acting. Bite lips, heave bosom, yell, smash things, look constipated to demonstrate pain, anguish.
•In a major score for consistency, the same constipated feeling was conveyed through the selection of the lead vocalists as well.
•The predictability of the end which was only overshadowed by its sheer dumbness

This is a great unintentional comedy to watch in a group, a kind of a soft porn film, masquerading as a full feature. If you can ignore the lack of a story, acting skills, plausible characters and tuneful music, you may even have fun viewing this.

She is hired by an intelligence officer, Arunoday, (who sleeps with her first, kind of like a ‘test the goods’ sort of thing), for a dangerous mission. To get close to her ex-lover, Randeep Hooda, a renegade officer and currently freelance assassin, and to get some data from him. From the first frame onwards, nothing any of the characters does makes any sense. The only things worth admiring are Sunny’s constantly revealed assets, the locations and the tasteful interiors of the various homes chosen.

Sunny, obviously not hired for her acting chops, prefers to ignore dictums like ‘vastra aurat ka gehna hote hain’ and appears to be in greater load shedding mode than the much maligned Northern power grid. Arunoday is in sleepwalk mode throughout and Randeep is wasted in his vacuous shayari spouting role. The pace of the movie is tortuously slow so plenty of coffee or large glasses of cola are highly recommended to help stay awake.

As I look at the original film poster again, its clear that some things are better off under wraps. The film is 132 minutes long. With a little skillful editing, could’ve shaved off about a 100 odd minutes…

Kyaa Super Kool Hain Hum

Rating : 3/10
Release Date : 27th July, 2012
Time : Too long…
Director & Writer : Sachin Yardi; Music : Sachin-Jigar and others
Starring : Tusshar Kapoor, Ritesh Deshmukh, Neha Sharma, Sarah Jane Dias, Anupam Kher, Chunky Pandey

Our two lead actors, Tusshar and Ritesh, are down and out and sitting staring mournfully into the sky. One starts staring at a hoarding of a certain feminine hygiene ad. The other questions why he is looking at a woman’s product. Our hero responds “Main soch raha hoon main bhi le loon, mera bahut bura period chal raha hai”.

Imagine throughout the film there is a desperate attempt to convert everything into a double meaning. Imagine recycled jokes, which have been around since our school days. Imagine every supposed punch line preceded, punctuated and paired with extremely loud music, sound effects (in most cases the sound of a toilet flushing). Also imagine most lines delivered along with much lip chewing, hand gestures and supposedly sexy facial expressions. Imagine poor production values, cheap sets. Add unto all this some very poor acting skills. Now you have some idea of what this film is about.

Tusshar and Ritesh are friends and roommates along with the latter pet pug dog, Sakru. The first is a wannabe actor, the other is a wannabe DJ. The pug is a certified gigolo. Tusshar has reason to believe Neha is his soul mate and proposes within a day of meeting her. She, quite inexplicably, pretends to be a lesbian while obviously rejecting the proposal. Her room mate, Sarah, helps her ensure the gay perception is maintained, while falling for Ritesh at the same time when the boys land up in Goa chasing the two women. Her father, Anupam Kher is a billionaire and eccentric would be too mild a term for his antics (it was sad to see him in such a role). Many S&M scenes, gay misunderstandings and lets not forget the obligatory drag scene later the film reaches its predictable conclusion.

The positives are the two women, who I found nice looking. Ritesh has developed this sameness about his roles, which was almost comforting here as everything else was such a mess. Apart from the Garden, Garden song, the soundtrack has not much to offer.

Will leave you with two more jokes from the film. If you like either, you must go for it, as there are plenty more like these…
“Lets raise a toast”. Two glasses and a piece of bread go up. Tusshar protests “Not fair, baat to toast ki hui thi, tum drinks kyun le rahe ho ?”

“Hi ! My name is DJ. Whats yours ?” says Ritesh to curvaceous chick. “BJ” she replies, to the accompaniment of cymbals clashing, horns blaring and other assorted sound effects. “Kyun, mera naam sun ke, tumhara muh kyun khul gaya?”

Ice Age 4: Continental Drift

Rating : 6/10
Release Date : 27th July, 2012
Time : 88 minutes
Director : Steve Martino, Mike Thurmeier; Writers : Michael Berg, Jay Fuchs; Music : John Powell
Starring (voices of): Ray Romano, Dennis Leary, John Leguizamo, Queen Latifah, Jennifer Lopez, Peter Dinklage, Josh Gad, Kunal Nayyar, Wanda Sykes

Our herd is split. Ellie & Peaches, Manny’s ‘wife’ & daughter, are left behind as the continents begin to break up. The rest of the herd (Manny, Diego, Sid), along with Sid’s grandmother, is adrift on an iceberg. Manny has sworn to return and reunite. Storms, whirlpools, pirates, sirens and many other obstacles will test that resolve. Will he succeed ? And more pertinently, will Scrat ever get that goddamn acorn ?

A more complicated storyline, many new characters coupled with a greater reliance on slapstick humour makes this the weakest film in the franchise. There are fewer catchy one-liners. Its predictable and there are just too many threads to keep track of. Peaches juggling between her crush (Ethan, the mammoth) and friend (Louis, the mole). Diego’s new rival, Shira. The ruthless pirate Captain Gutt, with his bloodthirsty, yet bumbling, crew. Manny’s troubled relationship with his daughter thanks to his over-protectiveness. And last but not the least, Sid’s grandmom and her mysterious, invisible pet.

Having said that, its short, its fun, its breezy and keeps your attention hooked for its one and a half hour duration, making you laugh in a few places and smile in a lot more. Keeps the kids thoroughly entertained. Scrat and his fascination for the elusive acorn, continues to endear and provides for a lot of the laughs. I liked the way they’ve kept the characters consistent, in terms of the behavior, throughout the four films. They’ve developed nicely as the films have progressed.

With the continents breaking off, icebergs calving and the climate becoming increasingly warmer, it seems to be the end of the Ice Age. However, in true Hollywood style, there is always an opening left for another sequel…

PS : Historically, apparently the continental divide happened a couple of hundred million years prior to the Ice Age…

PPS : There is an Indian voice too, Kunal Nayyar (of Big Bang Theory fame). A skunk, no less…wonder if this will raise an outcry ?

The Dark Knight Rises

Rating : 9/10
Release Date : 20th July, 2012
Time : 164 minutes
Director : Christopher Nolan; Writers : Jonathan & Christopher Nolan, based on on the character Batman, by Bob Kane; Music : Hans Zimmer
Starring : Christian Bale, Anne Hathway, Morgan Freeman, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Marion Cotillard, Michael Caine, Tom Hardy, Matthew Modine

My first action on exiting the hall after the morning show was to book for another show in the evening and round up the entire family to join me.

There is an air of impending doom about the film, of heightened senses, pumping adrenalin, jaw dropping stunts, which is enhanced, impeccably, by a mouth-watering background score. Full of chants, and pulsating drum beats. With clear battle lines drawn between a larger than life villain and a hero, who, in the best traditions of action hero films, just refuses to fade away or die.

There is more than a touch of a Hindi film about it, as our hero battles with foes from within and outside. Foes, like Bane (Tom Hardy) who are well prepared, have planned their attack for years and will stop at nothing to fulfill the League of Shadows plans for Gotham’s ultimate destruction. Anne Hathway (Catwoman), Joseph Gordon Levitt (a police officer, Blake) are unlikely allies with Gary Oldman (the Police Commissioner) and Michael Caine (Alfred) providing the usual support cast for our nocturnal hero.

There is a beautiful symmetry given to the story, most loose ends tied up neatly towards the end, questions answered, doubts clarified and the film leaving a strong, central message. Hope never dies. And that the point of choosing a symbol like Batman, is precisely that anyone can be Batman…

There is so much to love and learn about the film. The sheer scale of the stunts, and the vivid imagination that goes behind them. The build up towards the climax, the battle royale as the forces of good line up versus the forces of evil. The delicate side stories weaved in so simply, with minimal diversion of attention and time, that help explain it all, humanize the characters. Hans Zimmer’s electric score, which falls to a pin drop silence at times, and builds to a heart pumping crescendo at others.

I loved the delicate messages thrown in. How the fear of death is possibly the most powerful impulse. That hope is necessary for despair. Of how our government can so easily be brought to its knees. How easily we can gravitate towards lawlessness, the rule of the jungle.

There are moments when you wonder ‘how’ ? There are clearly moments which defy logic. But that is when the spectacle takes over. You cheer for the good guys and hope and pray for them to win, against all odds. Wouldn’t want to have it any other way…

PS : I pity the poor guys who in ten-fifteen years will try to remake Batman and will have to top this. Mr Nolan & Mr Bale, salute !

Cocktail

Rating : 7/10
Release Date : 13th July, 2012
Time : 146 minutes
Director : Homi Adajania; Writers : Imtiaz Ali, Sajid Ali; Music : Pritam
Starring : Saif Ali Khan, Deepika Padukone, Diana Penty, Boman Irani, Dimple Kapadia, Randeep Hooda

It starts off as a Long Island Iced Tea (heady, potent), transforms into a Bloody Mary (traditional, boring) in the middle but ends as a Cosmopolitan (cool, delicious, enjoyable).

Light, breezy and very, very funny with fantastic performances, it loses its way momentarily during the second half for about 20 odd minutes by bringing in too much senti drama but then thankfully autocorrects and finds its way back with an appropriately funny closing sequence.

Saif is an incorrigible flirt, determined to bed every attractive woman he see’s. Diana is a typical Indian girl except she is stunning with legs that go on for miles and a pout which can make you walk for many. She prays everyday, wears appropriate clothing, drinks milk, doesn’t do too much alcohol and is rescued from being homeless by Deepika who is none of the above. Deepika is the other extreme, the type who is known to everyone in every nightclub, doesn’t believe in wearing pants if at home, drinks like a fish and dances like a dervish. And, like Saif, she doesn’t believe in all this marriage-sharriage kind of stuff. So when the two of them get together and start living, with Diana, in the same apartment, life couldn’t be too far from perfect. Until Dimple, Saif’s mom, walks in…

They got the characters and casting just right. Diana is the surprise package (Where does Saif find them ? Remember Giselle in Love Aaj Kal ?). She is gorgeous with a smile that radiates, looks sweet and shy and demure and all things that most prospective mother in laws would want. Plays her part perfectly. Deepika brings life and soul to her character, who is the anti-Christ for all moms seeking a match for their son. She is brash, brazen, leggy, openly sexual, in bikinis or something similar for most of the film and thinks she is stronger than she really is. Deepika gets it so right that I fear she is going to be given many more roles like this one, kind of what has happened to Kareena after Jab We Met.

Saif has made the ‘lovable ruffian’ his own exclusive territory for a long time and in this one he seems to really let his hair down and go the whole hog. He picks up women with the ease of James Bond but without the tux. He is funny, caring, sweet, loving, good looking and a blast to be with. That ‘Sheila ki Jawaani’ performance will longer in memory !

Most Hindi films suffer from verbosity. They lack the one liners, the pithy punchlines and the humour of the non slapstick kind. Not this one. You’re smiling most of the time, and laughing uproariously at least a few times. The repartee sizzles except for the brief twenty minutes when, again a malady afflicting most Bollywood movies, the makers feel compelled to introduce conflict and emotional drama. The music is excellent, enhancing the fun & moments of madness and going quiet when needed. Another thing to watch out for are the dresses, Saif & Deepika’s wardrobe in particular suits them perfectly. The love triangle could possibly have been shown better, comes as a little bit out of the blue. Why her and not me is a question that plagues not only the two heroines but also the audience as we’re not quite sure why Saif makes the choices he does.

Still when you walk out of the hall, what lingers is the fun, the frolic and a Hindi (well, 25% English) movie that stretches boundaries and traditional moralities like never before. This isnt a film that will last with you forever or has any deep lessons but neither is it mindless or crass. Saif is the guy we would all like to be, Diana the girl we’d all like to marry and Deepika the woman we would all love to bed. Endearing leads, good chemistry and generous doses of humour make it as heady a watch as a well-made example of its title.