Jaan-E-Mann

I would probably not have watched this movie were it not for a persistent younger cousin brother who wanted to watch it for a third time, my liking for Preity Zinta & Akshay Kumar and some intrigue generated by the songs, which seemed good fun.

The movie is not as bad as I had thought – I’ve seen many worse ones. With a few fixes, it could have even been good.

The songs are very nice – really vibrant, beautifully choreographed with some nice touches. There’s one where Salman and Preity are shown romancing and everything seems to rise to welcome them – the stairs pop out and then light up, then a table and chairs pop out from the ground, then the railing comes up and then finally two illuminated trees come up to provide the backdrop. In another, Akshay and Preity are walking through central park and everyone around them is in operatic ballet mode – all couples are sashaying around, pirouetting, twirling…quite beautiful.

It’s a pretty standard love triangle, where Salman (divorced husband of Preity) decides to help Akshay (NASA astronaut, ex-nerd and ex-college mate & chief secret admirer of Preity) to get married to Preity so that he can escape alimony payments. Preity is in NY so both fly over and since Akshay is nervous around women, Salman dictates what he has to say, when, where etc. Suddenly there is a twist in the tale – albeit a predictable one – and surprise surprise – Salman now wants to win her back for himself but then what about Akshay ?

The plot is quite severely intellectually challenged. The twist is something completely implausible / the timing just doesn’t make sense. Wish I could say more but then it would give the twist away. All I can say is that the ‘twist’ cannot be what its made out to be for anyone with half a brain ? The circumstances of their divorce were also funny, to say the least. The movie also refuses to get into any sort of depth – we don’t understand any of the characters – what they are like, why do they do what they do, what are they thinking etc. They are just there to keep the story moving. Finally, the way Salman is shown to be a stud with women – the way he talks (fake, irritating American accent) / his pick up lines etc (especially in a scene with an air hostess) would have most modern women reaching for their can of mace / insecticide.

I also have to admit a bias – I have never understood how as terrible an actor as Salman became a star and continues to get gainful employment in Bollywood. And this movie only reinforced my opinion. He overacts, has a wooden / blank face most of the time and has a repertoire of not more than 3 expressions throughout the movie. The emphasis is purely on his dresses which are all designed to provide multiple exposures of his pectorals and bulging biceps. Both Preity and Akshay’s roles are dwarfed by Salman’s and not developed enough to make us feel any sympathy for them. I truly cannot fathom why either of them accepted the roles since both are capable of so much more. We don’t understand at all why Preity chooses who she chooses at the end and also how / why the unlucky third party behaves the way he does.

There are some interesting bits early on in the movie, showing Anupam Kher as a dwarf, who’s sensitive about his height, and how all conversations seem to constantly refer to his height.

My recommendation though, would be to not watch the movie unless, like my cousin brother, you can’t get enough of Preity, or like some hopeless women (none that I know personally), you can’t get enough of Salman. If that’s the case, then based on his dresses in the movie, you’ll definitely get your money’s worth.