No Smoking

The first fifteen minutes are brilliant but are followed by a descent into hell – full of the most pretentious, senseless, pseudo- psychoanalytic ‘Freudian’ imagery ever to grace Indian cinema.

The start is very promising. John Abraham as K, is a die-hard smoker (pun intended), with his wife (Ayesha Takia) amongst several people trying to make him quit. He has a group of friends as well, who share his passion and their conversation is hilarious in terms of how they defend their habit. The beginning is full of extremely stylized Italian chic imagery – the suits, the look, the sunglasses, the home décor - all looking like they’re straight out of a Martini / LV ad. The dialogue is also extremely witty – a sample
(Phone conversation)
‘You’re leaving me ?’
‘I’ve already left you’
‘How can you leave me ? nobody leaves me ?!’
(Pause) ‘I am nobody…that’s why I left you…’

However, as K joins a Quit Smoking program called ‘Kalkatta Karpets’, the movie literally and figuratively begins to spiral downwards. What follows is weird, senseless, unnerving and even gory in parts. There is hardly any redeeming feature of this section (apart from the stylization and some small touches of humour- we find out K's elder brother is named 'J', for example). The end comes as such a relief that it receives a standing ovation for the wrong reasons (from the film makers point of view). I’m shocked and saddened that the combined formidable writing & directorial talents of Vishal Bhardwaj (Omkara) and Anurag Kashyap (writer of Water, Yuva, Satya, director of Black Friday and this film) led to this indisputable turkey.

This one gives RGV’s Aag a run for its money…another case of ‘Oh, what could’ve been !’ To use one of the favourite lines of my parents ‘Na sir, na pair’ (literally means ‘no hands or feet’, figuratively ‘neither head nor tail’). Both meanings fit perfectly.